CHANGING ROLES

Not every woman likes to be pushed into the predictabilities of life people are used to.
Meet a man, move in with him, get engaged, marry, children, house (preferably near the area you grew up). Or: finish school, study (preferably a course which will offer good chances to get a good job), get the good job (preferably in a conservative, well-structured company with a name everyone around you knows since 1897). And then, curiously, both expectation orders get intertwined - after finding a really good and respectable job, marry the guy you're living with, then stay at home and raise the kids.


My philosophy is not always in accord with conformities like this: I don't want to follow orders by an unknown entity named society or tradition and I don't want to follow orders like my life is some to-do list to be tallied. I'm good in following orders though. And I finished school, found a guy and successfully completed both my B.A. and M.Phil. I know what people expect of me, what they would like to see me do or say.
Then again: I often speak my own mind. Not always to my advantage. I lost a friend because I told her that her boyfriend at the time was an asshole. I was honest, because I thought honesty would keep a friendship healthy. Unfortunately, this one crumbled under the wholesome food of the truth (even if it may have been only my truth). On other occasions, however, I tell strangers that they have a nice haircut. That I like what they say. Just because it popped into my head. And if I'm lucky, I make their day. I suppose, life is too short and cruel and whatever else to keep nice things to yourself. Or the truth, for that matter. 

Of course, emancipation is gaining ground. Years now, women actually have the chance to get the jobs they want to have. I'm not really talking about emancipation though, and maybe I am. People still have very rigid mindsets. They live their lives according to rules they haven't set up themselves. And they expect their children to do the same. Sometimes it's just the difficulty of letting go. Of accepting different ideas of life and work. Working in a different country, for instance. Marrying the guy before you're living with him. Not marrying him even though you're living with him. Not getting children. Buying a house before you find a guy. Working on your own, at home maybe, in a library perhaps, in a café. Still, it is working. It might even be exhausting to work from home where so many distractions lure or where one actually sees the same walls and floorboards every single day. It might be difficult to concentrate in a café around lunchtime. Some jobs are not necessarily connected to a company name known since 1897. Some things in life are not traditional. Some are. Because it is your life.

There were times in the past weeks I gladly would have screamed or lashed out at anyone repeating sentences like: "Oh, you're working from home. So you have plenty of time now, right?" Or, another lovely one: "The kitchen is your baby. You have to decide what it should look like". Not every woman who moved in with her guy wants the kitchen 1. to be called her "baby" (not every woman cheers and half faints at the sight of one) and 2. to be her terrain only. Especially, when the guy likes to cook more than her.


A little more room for alternative, progressive or simply "different" styles of life, please. That's all I'm asking for. Roles are changing, but so must people.